Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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