He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
