apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
