Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
