Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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