trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
