when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
