I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My ATM looks so different sober.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
