See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
