I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
