wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
