i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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