Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
