ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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