she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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