you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
