today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
