Can Purell be used as lube?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
