Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I had to cum in my sink.
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