Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
