I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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