Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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