he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
