thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
