she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Green mimosas i think yes
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
