Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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