You really coming over, don't trick.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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