Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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