omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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