I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
