I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
