i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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