There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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