Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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