oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
