his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
