Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
