I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
