I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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