I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
