no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
