I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
