Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
