My nipple is on Facebook.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
