trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
