new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
