Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
