I hate your face
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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