I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
