y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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