I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im part way to drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
