I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
