i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
