Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
