I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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