just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
