I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
