You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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