i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
