Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
