His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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