Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
40s are totally the cure
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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