It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
